A newspaper in China ran the following humor piece: Qiānwàn bié luàn yòng pīnyīn shūrùfǎ! Fǒuzé… (“For heaven’s sake don’t sloppily use Pinyin input! Otherwise…” / 千万别乱用拼音输入法！否则……).

The piece takes the form of an imagined text-message conversation between two people identified as “GG” (gēge 哥哥) and “MM” (mèimei 妹妹), i.e. a boy and a girl (probably both around high school age).

The joke here is that the couple are being sloppy in how they’re using pinyin to input Chinese characters, occasionally resulting in incorrect characters being displayed.

GG：你嚎！
MM：你嚎！你在哪里？
GG：我在忘八里。你呢？
MM：我也在忘八里。
GG：你是哪里人？
MM：我是鬼州人。你呢？
GG：我是山洞人。
MM：你似男似女？
GG：我当然是难生了。你肯定是女生吧？
MM：是啊。
GG：你霉不霉？
MM：还行吧，人家都说我是大霉女。你衰不衰？
GG：还好啊，很多人都说我是大衰哥。
MM：真的呀？咱们多怜惜好不好？
GG：好呀，你的瘦鸡多少号？
MM：咱别用瘦鸡，瘦鸡多贵呀，你有球球吗？
GG：有啊。
MM：你球球多少号呀？
GG：＊＊＊＊＊＊＊，你真可爱，我很想同你奸面。
MM：慢慢来啊，虽然隔得远，也有鸡会啦。

Since this particular text is meant to be weird, I think the product of an online translator captures the spirit well:

GG: You are howling!
MM: You are howling! Where are you at?
GG: I in [expletive deleted] in. You?
MM: I also in [expletive deleted] in.
GG: Where person are you?
MM: I am the clever state person. You?
GG: I am the cave person.
MM: You resemble male resemble the female?
GG: I certainly was difficult to live. You definitely are the female student?
MM: Yes.
GG: Your mildew?
MM: Also good, others all said I am the big mildew female. Do you fade?
GG: Fortunately, very many people all said I am greatly fade the elder brother.
MM: Really? Are we take pity on good?
GG: Good, your thin chicken how many numbers?
MM: We with the thin chicken, the thin chicken be inexpensive, you have the ball ball?
GG: Has.
MM: Your ball ball how many numbers?
GG: [number] You are really lovable, I very want with your deceitful surface.
MM: Slowly comes, although separates far, also has the chicken to meet.

Readers in China will probably laugh and get the message that, yeah, you have to be careful with pinyin. Otherwise you could end up writing altogether the wrong thing.

But let’s have a look at the dialog when presented in pinyin. The text is clear, even with almost all of the tone marks omitted.

GG: Ni hao!
MM: Ni hao! Ni zai nali?
GG: Wo zai wǎngba li. Ni ne?
MM: Wo ye zai wǎngba li.
GG: Ni shi nali ren?
MM: Wo shi Guizhou ren. Ni ne?
GG: Wo shi Shandong ren.
MM: Ni shi nan shi nu?
GG: Wo dangran shi nansheng le. Ni kending shi nusheng ba?
MM: Shi’a.
GG: Ni mei bu mei?
MM: Hai xing ba, renjia dou shuo wo shi da meinu. Ni shuai bu shuai?
GG: Hai hao a. Hen duo ren dou shuo wo shi da shuaige.
MM: Zhen de ya? Zanmen duo liánxí, haobuhao?
GG: Hao ya. Ni de shouji duoshao hao?
MM: Zan bie yong shouji; shouji duo gui ya. Ni you qiuqiu ma?
GG: You a.
MM: Ni qiuqiu duoshao hao ya?
GG: [number]. Ni zhen ke’ai. Wo henxiang tong ni jianmian.
MM: Manman lai a, suiran ge de yuan, yeyou jihui la.

There’s no homophone problem here. That’s because Pinyin doesn’t really have one, despite frequent claims to the contrary.

A few words and expressions in the dialog strike me as odd: the use of wǎngba rather than wǎngka, for instance. And I’ve never heard of a “qiuqiu.” But that can probably be ascribed to differences between Mandarin in China and Taiwan, and to the fact that I’m not a young Mandarin speaker up on all the latest slang.

Here’s a rough English translation of what the couple was really saying:

GG: Hi!
MM: Hi! Where are you?
GG: I’m in an Internet café. How about you?
MM: I’m also in an Internet café.
GG: Where are you from?
MM: I’m from Guizhou. And you?
GG: I’m from Shandong.
MM: Are you a boy or a girl?
GG: I’m a guy, of course. You’re definitely a girl, right?
MM: Yes.
GG: Are you beautiful or not?
MM: Not bad. People all say I’m a real beauty. Are you handsome or not?
GG: I’m OK. Lots of people say I’m a really handsome guy.
MM: Really? Let’s keep in touch, OK?
GG: OK. What’s your cellphone number?
MM: I don’t use a cellphone; they’re expensive. Do you have a qiuqiu?
GG: Yes.
MM: What’s your qiuqiu number?
GG: [gives number]. You’re really cute. I’m eager to meet you.
MM: Don’t hurry. [This is a polite expression, not a brush-off.] Although we’re far apart, we’ll still have the opportunity to meet.

A side note: the Mandarin Chinese word for “opportunity” in the last line is jihui. Note that the word for “opportunity” is jihui, not just ji, which means something altogether different. So the next time someone tries to tell you that the Chinese word for “crisis” consists of “danger” plus “opportunity,” you can explain to them that, no, it doesn’t. For more on this, see “Crisis” Does Not Equal “Danger” Plus “Opportunity”.